By Stephen A. Mitchell

ISBN-10: 0393078485

ISBN-13: 9780393078480

Universal knowledge has it that love is fragile, yet best psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell argues that romance doesn't truly scale back in long term relationships—it turns into more and more risky. What we regard because the transience of affection is de facto threat administration. Mitchell indicates that love can undergo, if merely we notice our self-destructive efforts to guard ourselves from its dangers. "Those who learn this ebook will love extra properly due to it."—Andrew Solomon, writer of The Noonday Demon "[A] paintings on romance that's wealthy and multi-layered."—Publishers Weekly "Cheerful, open, and humane—you'd certainly have sought after him as your analyst."—Judith Shulevitz, The big apple Times e-book assessment "[T]houghtful, compassionate, and profoundly optimistic."—JoAnn Gutin,

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Extra resources for Can Love Last?: The Fate of Romance over Time

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20 F O R G I V E N E S S I N I N T I M AT E R E L AT I O N S H I P S This patient, Mr. T, a talented writer, who discovered his literary abilities in early adolescence, became fascinated with the writings of Jack London because he could identify with his self-education, poverty, socialist ideology, and fatherlessness (his father, as did London’s, also abandoned him at an early age). Just as London realised his ticket out of poverty was his writing, very early on in adolescence T began to expect the same for himself; however, when, in late adolescence, his first attempts at selling his short stories failed and he realised that, unlike Jack London, he could not pull himself out of poverty with his writing, he gave up his passion for story writing altogether.

Gradually—after going through unabashed, and relatively guilt—free expression of reasonable and unreasonable anger toward all those who had let him down, and, transferentially, toward me—his self-punishing ways yielded to a more forgiving attitude toward himself, intimate others, and the world in general. The transformation of his purposeless unconscious guilt into a constructive conscious one, set to address the pain rather than torment the self through self-punishment, coincided with another round of mourning.

The forgiving attitude, then, is the product of the resurfacing of this early identification with the benign aspects of the parents’ superego, facilitated by the transferential aspects of the work with the analyst. Obviously, the reassessment of the overall balance of the relationship as good enough will determine the resurfacing of the repressed benign qualities of the parents and, subsequently, the wish for forgiveness. If the most primary exploits of psychoanalysis are the softening of the archaic punishing superego and helping it mature, then at some point in analysis one would expect an increased sense of loving orientation to the world and a sense of well-being associated with the surfacing of the benign aspects of the superego that emanates from positive identifications with the parents.

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Can Love Last?: The Fate of Romance over Time by Stephen A. Mitchell

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